You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
pray to the hookup gods
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
