I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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