Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
