she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
