Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm like, not good at living.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
