Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
