My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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