areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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