Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
