i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this hospital has no fireball
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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