My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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