I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
