it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
