My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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