i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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