I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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