The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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