so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
