Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
