Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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