the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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