i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
