I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
