Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You can't just leave with hair like that
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
