Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
