Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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