Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
