we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
