You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
