They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
