you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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