Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
