I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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