Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
