That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
