After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
