Pappa wants mamma naked
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
