I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
