we have pet lesbian snakes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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