I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is my gift to your gina
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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