My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
