I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
