she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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