well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
