I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Quick, to the slutcave!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
