My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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