he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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