allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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