This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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