I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
whose parrot is this?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
