SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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