I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
