drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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