What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she pinky promised me she was 18
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You pole danced in your parka.
I believe in your delicious
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
dude. I can hear the air.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
