Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
