I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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