i just made my gag reflex go away.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In other news, I just burned my penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
