I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
