i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
