I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
