Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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