Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
