There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
