My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize