I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she smelled like a LAN party
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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