The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
