You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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