Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
