i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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