So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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