Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
