He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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