We named our party play list daddy issues
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
