Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
