no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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