Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
