question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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