you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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