So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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