I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
