either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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